As 2019 shifts into 2020...

I remember when I was 19. I could hardly wait to turn 20. To me, 19 was so in-between, technically a teen, yearning to be an adult. Turning 20 brought with it the promise of a new decade that would lead into my full adulthood. I could create what I desired. That was how I saw it.

In a way, I feel the same way now about 2019 passing into a new decade beginning with 2020. There is this hint of a promise of growing up, maturing, becoming more whole. Maybe this is the possibility of every year, but there is something more anticipatory about a new decade.

Clarity:

I am not naive enough to believe that 2020 will usher in a time where strife, division, evil and hatred disappear. But I do believe in the evolution of the universe as it moves towards wholeness, Love—Christ Consciousness. I believe Trinity is the engine of the Universe. Trinity Energy, I like to call it. This keeps me steeped in hope. It is all going somewhere that is good.

But First, I Pause:

In December, after advent and Christmas, Winter Solstice and yule, I have a practice of reflecting on my year.

I go through my calendar noting all I have done and not done. I remember what I stepped into whether wanted or not, what I experienced. This year, categories appeared like: travel, adventure (yes they are different), family, education, self-care and spiritual growth. I noted: medical advocacy, pastoral or companioning care, facilitating or holding space for others, work. I noted yellow flags, some even red as they popped up. They indicate patterns that continued from the year before. They show me places where perhaps, I am stuck or still in need of transformation.

No Condemnation, No Failure:

I have work to do with Spirit. We all do.

I once again, honor the tragedies in my neighborhood, my community and the world with prayer.

Then I write:

I have a practice of writing first thing in the morning. Some people call it “morning pages”. It is one time of day where liminal space exists, where the veil is thin. I am awake and yet still linger in the dream world. I usually start by writing down my dreams, if I remember them. Then I write about whatever comes up.

Healing:

Once again, 2019 brought a deeper layer of healing for me. I have been on an intentional healing journey since 2014. This time, a deep wound from childhood was once again opened up. I chose to have a surgery and was surprised by how it coincided with spiritual and emotional healing traveling all the way back to my very beginning. A sacramental “balm of Gilead” poured over me. More wholeness emerged.

I was astounded. Trinity Energy— Slow. Gentle. Deep. Love:

My commitment to practices of Centering Prayer and work with my spiritual director grounded me. I met regularly with two small groups of women: one Christian spiritual formation group and one depth psychology group. We hold space for one another, we listen with our whole bodies, we are authentic and real. As much as we are able, we remove our masks. We trust Living Presence. Another childhood trauma pushed its way up to the surface. I knew it was there, but was unaware of its impact. More healing came.

It is like Magic:

As I have traveled with these women, I notice I may feel confused or things may seem blurry for a time. Sometimes they see what I cannot. Other times it is revealed to me, a sudden lifting of the fog. Clarity opens up a glorious horizon of azure sky and green mountains upon mountains fading into purple. I am learning to trust the fog. Love is found in the Dark places too. (Romans 8:39)

Practices:

These are good practices that help me move towards wholeness and authenticity. They are practices that open me to a shift in perception and perspective, as I glimpse Divine faithfulness.

Study:

I spent a lot of study time in the treehouse, my little hermitage. I am a student of the Living School founded by Fr. Richard Rohr and the Center for Action and Contemplation. I read book upon book authored by ancient and current Christian mystics and listened to teachings by Rohr, James Finley (mystic and psychotherapist) and Cynthia Bourgeault (mystic and Episcopal Priest). My edges were pushed and stretched, my heart expanded and all the while I learned to hold the tension too.

Adult Children:

My children are full of love and challenges, pain, heartache and laughter filled joy. All of it belongs. They are adults. I marvel at their becoming, their parenting and their fierce passion for the world and others. I learn from them, as I stay open, try to listen well and ask many, many questions. I challenge them, nudge them sometimes and then gather them in my arms. They are human. Being human is very good. (Genesis 1:31) I have learned they are not me. Their journeys’ are theirs to live, and mistakes to make and learn from. Their spiritual lives do not look like mine and I am at peace with that. I Trust.

Becoming:

As 2020 arrives, my intention is to continue my healing journey and spiritual growth. I am becoming too. We all are. Everyday. My longing is for wholeness and union with God. My hope is for this world to put down its divisions and weapons, its win-lose mentality and look only to Love. People tell me this is impossible, but I know it is not, because I have seen moments of it in the microcosm of myself and in those with whom I journey.

As I read the scriptures, I clearly see the messages of Jesus the Christ. The Kingdom ushered in. It is not a transactional way, it is a transformational way. It is a holy way of honoring each and every human being, Mama Earth and everything in it spreading out to the vast universe. What a gift we have been given.

East and West:

I intend to continue to learn about my faith foundation from its Eastern origin. There is much I was never told, nor learned about. It is amazing to me what was lost after the East- West split of the church in 1054. I am mining gold.

2020 Intention:

As the shadows fall and the ball drops at midnight tonight, we enter into 2020. My intention is: “Activation to Co-Create with Divine”. I have no idea what that fully means, what it will look like or how it will manifest, but I am excited!

Happy 2020 New Year! Welcome to a new decade!