The Mystery of Somatic Movement

Our bodies are incredible mysteries. Healing through somatic movement is one of those mysteries of which I have participated in and don’t quite fully understand. And I embrace the not knowing. Mystery is sacred.

Years of personal work healing from childhood trauma led me to this somatic space. We hold the pain and the freedom within our tissues. Many, many practitioners and well know therapists attest to this: Dr. Peter Levine, Resmaa Menakam, Prentis Hemphill, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, Dr. Diane Poole Heller, Staci Haines, Dr. Gabor Mate’, Dr. Scott Lyons and many, many more that I cannot name here.

I began learning in somatics, because I knew more in-depth healing would come through my body. It intuitively felt right. Yoga had helped me inhabit my body. Talk therapy helped me reframe my perspectives. Inner Child/Re-Parenting work helped me find compassion and healing for myself. Somatic work was next. It offers much hope for humanity and many people shy away from anything to do with the body. Sometimes that’s a protective stance, sometimes it’s out of fear or a lack of desire to do the hard work of healing.

I don’t write this to claim I’m better than anyone else. I write this to bring hope and as a way to paint a picture of my journey, so far. It’s a life long path. For me, the pain became too unbearable. The anxiety I carried daily was consistent and sometimes debilitating. Occasionally, I would move into a full blown panic attack. My last one, was in September 2021. It lasted 3 days, disturbing my sleep and sense of safety.

I had learned enough to get myself to a place where I felt safe enough. Then I began to move my big muscles dailly to release the adrenaline that was saturating my tissues. In the desert where I was, I found reservoirs to swim in as it was too hot to hike. Floating in blue water with blue sky and billowy clouds surrounded by red cliffs was surreal in it’s beauty and holding.

Finally, I walked a desert labyrinth asking “What is this? What is happening?” Just as I entered the center, my dear Soul Sister called me. Listening to my tearfilled words, she gleaned the question: “What does it mean for you to belong to yourself? What does it mean for April to belong to April?”

I carry that question with me each day.

Developing a self is key in childhood development. Mine had been stunted. For far too long, I had existed as a connection to others without knowing who I am. This may be hard to understand for some, but trust me when I say, I did not know who April was nor could I remember a time when I was Me. Now slowly, gradually, I am Becoming April.

I started working with Dr. Mindy, a local practitioner after Covid. By that point, I connected my childhood fear to a continued pattern that led to anxiety and panic attacks. As with much of my healing, it stemmed way back into a place when I was alone, steeped in fear with no support of any adult or my parents. When I recall steeping in that fear, it always began when I was in bed at night. As an adult, this is when my panic attacks began. In bed at night when I was trying to sleep.

Our set intention upon arriving at Dr. Mindy’s office was to work with releasing my ancient fear. This happens through the body. My body needed to complete the movement and release of that fear. Upon arrival, we sat to chat with tea. Dr. Mindy is also a plant medicine practitioner. Plants have medicinal and healing qualities. I took a sip or two of my tea as we spoke when I began to feel an inner trembling in my body. I paused to tell her and leaned back with one hand on my heart and the other on my belly. I’d studied enough to know this was good. Something was happening and happening fast.

With Dr. Mindy’s guidance, her calm, gentle loving voice, I tracked the tremors as they flowed through and around my body. Eventually, I climbed onto a massage table, where the shaking continued. I could feel channels within me open and flow. I could feel cold, closed ones, that eventually opened. Then I had one big contraction of my whole body with crying, wailing and other noises. My whole body curled inward and up. Finally, I collapsed back, released and calm.

A shift of healing came to me that day. I could feel it to my very bones. Dr. Mindy assured me more tremors would come that evening and sure enough, they did. Gentle, tender trembles as I lie in bed. No fear. Since that day I’ve had more experiences of healing from spiritual trauma and some voice trauma. The spiritual trauma was so embedded in me that I recognized it as terror. Sheer terror. From that liberation, I created an art piece to remind myself of my new found freedom.

After working with my Voice trauma, I went to bed and woke in the middle of the night feeling the mystery and beauty and joy of all this. The Truth of it felt good. It felt like Truth deep in my bones and tissue. The joy reverberated all night long as I rejoiced in the Mystery of our Creation and how we are made to heal physically, emotionally and spiritually. I cannot fully tell you how all this works, but I can give testimony to our bodies wisdom and the fierce love of Life Force!