Will We Allow This Disruption to Transform Us?

“ Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903

As I “live the questions now”, I ask, how are we being changed through this pandemic?

What are we discovering about ourselves collectively as well as individually?

How will we be transformed through this? If at all?

I hear rumblings from people who long to go “back to normal”.

Is that really our invitation in this? Just to go back to the way things were? Is that even possible?

Growth is the journey of our lives. If we are not growing, we are not fully alive. We are stuck. Rigid. Set in our ways. Stagnant.

Let’s grasp this moment in time and ask the deep and challenging questions.

Father Richard Rohr says transformation happens either through great suffering or great love. I experienced this myself with the diagnosis of cancer in my four year old son. This was a time of great suffering for myself. It is excruciating to watch your child suffer. Of course, my son, my family and my community also suffered with his cancer diagnosis.

Over time, as I wrestled, questioned, beat my chest and wailed in sorrow and anger, I eventually stepped into an invitation of love and expansion. My view of God, my life, my purpose all shifted and continue to shift. This is growth. It is not easy, but I hope I continue to transform.

We are now collectively in a time of great suffering. I was in a zoom meeting this afternoon with some of my Living School 2020 Cohort friends and the facilitator let us know his sister is an ICU nurse at a Covid 19 facility. He told us, she said “Take this seriously. I have wheeled 20 and 40 year olds into the morgue.”

Some of us will lose loved ones. Some of us will be financially hurt. Some of us may face death ourselves. If great suffering invites us into transformation, then let’s allow it in as we open our hearts to the possibilities of what we could become as a society locally, nationally and globally.

One question I’ve been contemplating and hoping to live into is how will I live differently after this pandemic? If all the lockdowns end and more movement is allowed and gatherings are once again permitted, how will I live?

Here are my desires:

~~I desire to hug and touch others physically more than before. (if they are accepting and are comfortable with it) And I don’t mean a hug where we pat each other on the back. I mean a deep abiding hug where breathe in and out together connecting in Living Presence.

~~I desire to buy more locally grown foods and to purchase less items contained in plastic.

~~I desire to continue to pause and pray over each meal thanking the Earth, the growers, the migrant workers, the truckers and all those who make my food possible.

~~I desire to continue to look each person I interact with in the eyes and see the divine there.

~~I desire to be mindful of my consumption, my needs vs my wants. I desire to continue the art of “making do” with what I have.

~~I desire to do less “othering” and judging by growing in my practice of curiosity and wonder.

~~I desire to grow bigger ears and a smaller mouth. I long to master the art of listening with my whole body in order to hear another person’s perspective, to hold space for them so that they feel seen and heard.

~~I desire to hone the craft of asking questions, deep questions that get to that depth dimension we sometimes try to hide from or are unaware of.

~~I desire to listen to my-Self more, my True Self, that part of me connected with the Divine and to follow.

~~I desire to Pause more, to ground myself and stay in my body, rather than react, fly away with fear, catastrophize and blame even over the injustices that abound.

~~I desire to walk and act and speak as non-violently as I am possible able to.

~~I desire to embrace “what is” even discomfort/suffering when it comes, to welcome all of my feelings and let them move through my body so that I do not project them onto others.

~~I desire to live in a spirit of generosity rather than a spirit of scarcity.

~~I desire to love and cherish the Earth and all life.

~~I desire to love all people equally no matter their nationality, ethnicity, religion, political stance, sexual orientation or whatever they believe.

~~I desire to continue my inner work, my trauma healing, and learning, as Spirit guides me.

~~I desire to support others in their journeys of innerwork, trauma healing and learning as well.

~~When I see: oppression, inequity, misogyny, discrimination of black brown, yellow, indigenous, or LGBTQIA people, greed, racism (explicit and implicit), I desire to speak up by shining light on it with love.

~~I desire not to condemn myself when I practice all this imperfectly, but instead extend compassion to myself in my humanity. And do the same for others.

What transformation do you desire in your life from this pandemic?