My Story

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves in Free Fall.

This moment for me was pivotal in changing the entire trajectory of my life. The diagnosis of cancer in my then four year old son, knocked me off of my self-created foundation of how I thought the world worked and who God was. A decade of wrestling, struggling, searching, asking, and a feeling of total absence of the Divine ensued, as I navigated childhood cancer and attempted to continue mothering my other four children.

Father Richard Rohr says we move towards our Divine Wholeness either through great suffering or great love. Perhaps you too know what it is to watch a loved one suffer? Perhaps you yourself have suffered? Perhaps you are loved so well, so completely that your very bones ache with intuitive knowing that in the end, as mystic, Julian of Norwich said: “ all shall be well, all shall be well, all manner of things shall be well.” This is no easy place to land, in the midst of loss, heartache, tears, anxiety, trauma and depression.

Perhaps it’s more about surrender and acceptance of Mystery?

Our Authentic Selves cry out for discovery and connection. I began to work with a Spiritual Director, once my son was medically stable. As I moved into my 50’s, a thirst for a more robust understanding of my Christian heritage began to rise up as I realized the spoon feed evangelical teachings of my childhood and adulthood were no longer adequate in what my heart was experiencing. Questions abounded. Certitude melted away. Curiosity flourished.

Following my intuition, I began to become more embodied through yoga practice eventually becoming a Hatha Yoga instructor in 2020. I also entered a two year intensive study of Christian and other Faith Traditions Mystics plus Social Justice integration with the Living School through the Center for Action and Contemplation.

Right on time, childhood trauma began to emerge, because as I’ve learned: ‘what we avoid pursues us and what we face transforms us.’ I sought personal trauma therapy along with studying somatic trauma therapy and other various somatic informed modalities through The Embody Lab community. An incredible synchronicity is that all my studies opened up during our time of Pandemic, global changes and social unrest. Interestingly, this space of uncertainty, unrest and world wide chaos was familiar to me. The microcosm of childhood cancer trauma with my son, felt amazingly similar to the collective trauma displayed across this internet age of massive overwhelm. I had been here before, but now it was not just my family, it was global.

Yes, the image above is of me Free Falling from 14,500 feet in tandem with an avid skydiver named, Nicole. My son and I completed our first time jump the year he turned 20 and I turned 60. Free Falling was my favorite part of the jump. I could not stop laughing and giggling, as cold air filled my mouth and lungs. Mother Earth was more beautiful than I’d ever seen her wrapped in blues and greens, calling me towards her with gravity and joy.

I am grateful for my journey, though I abhor the intense suffering. Random tragedies happen everyday. It was not because I had disobeyed God, or that I had eaten poorly causing my son’s cancer. It just was. My empathy, compassion and joy grew as I allowed myself to grieve and be vulnerable with others. I experience deeper stillness, groundedness and love through my various practices. I know who I am. Beloved.

This is Life. Pain and Joy. Sorrow and Laughter. This is Reality. Living Presence surrounds us.

I invite you to open yourself to Life too.

I would love to connect with you.